CHAPTER 3

Chapter 3

He handed her a glass with red wine and his fingers brushed hers on accident. Or maybe it wasn’t so much of an accident…

Either way, it made her smile and she nodded.

“Thank you.” Lisa flashed him another broad smile and put the glass to her lips while her eyes traveled up and down his body once again.

He was a very handsome man and there was no doubt a lot of ladies in the room kept glancing at him throughout the whole night. He had beautiful hazel colored eyes and longish, sandy blonde hair, half slicked back and half messy creating the perfect balance between a good guy and a bad guy look.

The last time she had seen him he was clean shaven but tonight he rocked that perfect five o’clock shadow, which made him look even more attractive and more chiseled. And to top it all off, he was wearing an elegant, two-piece, black Armani suit, a dark tie and leather shoes. Yes, the guy did look like a whole meal.

Who knew? Maybe her shrink had gotten it right this time.

“Lisa, you always go for the exact same type. A musician. Either unavailable or too available. One of the two, yet both of them always make you go crazy, just for different reasons. Trust me when I tell you, you need to try breaking the cycle.”

In reality it actually hadn’t been all that simple and it had taken Dr. Daly several sessions before Lisa was even mildly open to admitting she might have a problem.

She had been seeing Lockwood, a guitar player who was interested in her music career and who she had a lot in common with.

Why would she break the cycle when the cycle was her safe place?? Dysfunctional but familiar, and Lisa had to admit, she preferred it that way.

On the other hand, it was liberating to be able to even see a therapist.

The church had always been against it, because they had their own… ahem… specialists. But after dumping the soul-sucking religion, she actually enjoyed spending hours on end drawing mindless patterns in the sand of the mini Zen garden while stubbornly denying all the shrink’s subtle hints.

Lisa found herself oddly entertained by their banter, as she persistently highlighted all the blatant differences between her ex-husbands and ex-boyfriends. And Dr. Daly kept countering her points over and over until there was nothing else to say, and Lisa reluctantly agreed on trying something new.

But only to appease the doctor, of course.

And so here she was, all dressed up and wearing insanely high heels only to still feel very short next to her 6’2” date. Matt. A semi-professional football player who couldn’t play any musical instrument to save his life and whose singing could have easily been used as a torture device. 

‘In your face, Dr. Daly!’

“I was hoping to take you out to a more quiet and less formal place but actually this isn’t so bad.” He said and took a sip of his drink looking around.

The venue was beautiful, a giant ballroom in a luxury hotel filled with high-end decorations, amazing food and great wine. And if you wanted to meet someone rich, famous and influential, you were in the right spot.

“I know, I’m sorry. My mother and I take turns at these events and since I managed to wriggle out of the prostate cancer fundraiser last month…” She didn’t even finish the sentence when he chuckled, his warm and honest eyes smiling at her.

Lisa looked up at him and studied him for a second coming to the conclusion that he really seemed like a decent and a very kind guy.

“Fair.” Matt said and finished his drink, putting the empty glass on the table next to him. “Well, I gotta say this is actually kinda nice… and you look stunning, Lisa.”

She felt herself blush.

“Thank you. You don’t look so bad yourself.”

Uncertain of the situation, she looked around to see if she would spot someone familiar but he grabbed her small hand in his and gently led her to the other side of the enormous room where a silent auction was held.

 

“I think we should place some bids, don’t you?” Matt cocked his eyebrow at her playfully and she couldn’t help but grin back, relaxing a bit again.

“Oh yeah? What do you fancy?”

“Well, I saw some backstage passes there. If they have them to TLC or Spice Girls concerts, it’s sooo on!” He beamed and Lisa burst out laughing so loud the laughter instantly turned into a pretty embarrassing snort.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!”

Just the idea of this tall, muscular guy covered in glitter in the front row at the TLC concert was too much.

Unable to stop laughing she tugged at his hand and leaned against a table next to her trying to catch her breath. He looked at her with an amused expression and chuckled too.

“Hey! They’re hot!” Matt laughed throwing his hands in the air as if in self-defense. “And it’s really cool. Have you ever been backstage at a big concert? It’s so much fun!”

Her brain processed his question and she stopped laughing and cleared her throat looking up at him…

Had she ever?

 

“I got about seven minutes.” He mumbled in between the kisses while pushing her against the door.

“Maybe we should wait and leave it for later.” She let out defenselessly while his lips moved to her neck placing an open mouthed kiss on her sensitive skin making her moan and immediately forget all her objections.

He reached down under her skirt and ripped off her panties and she gasped.

“I ain’t waitin’, Princess.” He whispered seductively.

 

“Hey, are you okay?” Matt asked and grabbed her shoulder lightly. “You seem to have spaced out.”

“Yeah, yeah… sorry. I… I…” Lisa stammered and broke the eye contact, her gaze dropping.

Yeah, she had been backstage alright.

What the hell was she supposed to tell him? That she just zoned out remembering her ex-husband and their dirty escapades backstage during and after many of his concerts?

When it came to Michael, her mind always seemed to love chasing butterflies in the gutter of thought, and usually at the worst possible moment, too.

Matt was still watching her with something that almost looked like a worried expression and she just felt like a complete idiot.

“I… you know, of course I’ve had access to backstage. My dad would often take me there with him.” She was deflecting, running her hand through her hair, hoping he would just buy all the BS she was now serving on a silver platter.

He did.

“Oh, right. I’m a dummy.” Matt smiled at her and reached out tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear gently. “That must have been great… Some would say almost as good as hanging out with Spice Girls.” He winked at her withdrawing his hand before he once again started making his way towards all the items placed on the tables in front of them.

She really liked the guy. He was funny and keeping it real.

Damn, maybe the shrink had been right all along!

Lockwood, who was now waiting on the sidelines, got in real danger of being replaced and all the way forgotten.

After a couple of rounds of mindless bidding on some artwork, jewelry and hot air balloon rides, they slowly moved through the poker tables over to the dance floor where a live band was playing. They watched a number of couples dance to the slow tones of Aretha Franklin’s A Natural Woman and Lisa caught herself smiling again.

“Wanna dance?” He asked, still holding her hand and squeezing it lightly, and she looked up at him and nodded.

“I can’t see why not.” She replied honestly but before they could take even one little step towards the dance floor, they were stopped by a loud, strangely sounding shout.

“Hey!! Heeey!! Lisa! Lisa Marie!!”

Lisa turned and her eyes widened. Brett.

No way!! She hadn’t seen the man in years.

He ran to her and hugged her so tight she almost gave a cough.

Brett hadn’t changed one bit… his blonde curly hair still crazy, his mustache still in place. His smile still warm and genuine.

“Hey! Oh my god! Wow! What… what are you doing in LA?”

“Oh you know… business, old flames, more business and more old flames…” He replied in his strong Australian accent and laughed, then grabbed both her arms in a friendly way, looking at her from head to toe. “It’s so good to see you! How have you been?? You look great, girl!”

“Oh, not too bad. Life’s been good. Hey, by the way, this is Matt.”

“Oh, hi. Nice to meet you, mate. I’m Brett, Lisa’s old friend from another lifetime.” Brett smiled and Matt returned the smile, extending his hand.

Another lifetime, indeed. Filled with bliss and hope, love and happiness and then with the worst heartbreak she had ever gone through. That was the era Brett belonged to and meeting him now after such a long time sent her brain into overdrive, memories striking from a clear sky like lightning bolts.

Last time she had seen him, she was still with Michael. They had snuck out on a short and secret getaway to Sydney and Brett invited them over for dinner one night.

For the longest time it had been one of her favorite trips with him… with very few people around, slow mornings with coffee and fruit on their own private beach, goofing around, making out, laughing... And the passionate nights in their hotel suite, watching old movies and making love before going out to the beach again, sneaking kisses under the stars.

Their umpteenth attempt at reconciliation that once again crashed and burned a couple of weeks later but was like a breath of life while it lasted.

“Nice to meet you, too.” Matt said and then looked around. “Hey, Lisa, why don’t you guys catch up, I need to find the restroom anyway. Be right back.”

He gently touched her arm before turning to look around again and squinting his eyes.

“Down the hall and to the left!!” Brett said out loud and Matt nodded at him before disappearing in the crowd. “Gosh, girl, you really look fantastic! And is that your new future ex-husband? Handsome, I’ll give you that.”

Lisa rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest pulling a face.

“The hell, Brett?! Chill down, alright??”

“Oh, no…” He chuckled playfully waving his hands in the air. “It’s just a tongue-in-cheek thing! You know I love you, girl.”

“Yeah, yeah… knock it off. He’s just my date tonight.”

And then, out of nowhere, she felt as if the earth moved and a strong electric jolt ran through her body making her stomach turn.

Something was wrong. Very wrong. Her heart started beating fast but she just couldn’t tell what was happening to her.

A panic attack? Now? Gosh, this was so not a good time.

Before she could give herself time to push the panic button for real and run around like a headless chicken, she noticed Brett peeking over her shoulder, his smile getting broader by the second.

“No fucking way!” He let out and waved at someone behind her, grinning like crazy.

Lisa, however, felt rooted to the spot, unable to move and unable to pinpoint why there were electric shivers running up and down her spine all of a sudden.

And then, five seconds later, the realization hit her like a ton of bricks.

‘No… There is no way!! There just isn’t.’

Having him close felt like balancing on thin ice as it slowly started cracking beneath her feet.

“Hi Brett.” The familiar voice punched her right in the gut and she had to take a deep breath to try and calm herself down.

She focused her eyes on the chandelier in the middle of the room trying to distract herself from the hurricane running through her with a devastating impact.

One, two, three… and then it came.

“Hi, Lisa.” She heard him half-whisper close to her ear and she sucked in a sharp breath. Those two words were enough to stir a million memories inside her, both good and bad, flooding back with unstoppable force like tsunami.

Going to the courtroom was one thing when she had anticipated seeing him and could brace herself, but this unexpected encounter completely caught her off guard, leaving her unprepared for the rush of emotions it evoked.

‘Okay. Exhale slowly, Lisa, and turn.

Say hi.

Be nice.

It’s all good.’

And so she did. One more deep breath and she turned, her face a calm, polite mask.

“Hi, Michael. I had no idea you’d be here.” She smiled softly while taking in his presence.

He was wearing a black suit, a black button-up shirt and a black tie, absent were any shiny accessories, gloves or armbands.

He looked good. Classy. And healthier than she remembered from when she last saw him. That was a good sign.

His hair was cut shorter and Lisa could once again feel herself drowning in his deep, dark eyes that always seemed to see right through her.

“Yeah, me either but my plans fell through so I decided to show up. How…how have you been?”

She narrowed her eyes at him. If she didn’t know any better, she would say he looked a little flustered.

“Um, pretty good, I guess. I was surprised to see Brett here as well.”

Okay, she needed a drink. Stat.

Looking around quickly Lisa was hoping to catch sight of a waiter carrying a tray with some liquid courage she so desperately needed but once again the L in her luck got replaced with an F.

Typical.

Okay, she had to do this sober.

The ultimate torture.

“I know, right?! So crazy we all met here!” Brett jumped in happily patting both of them on the back. “Like what is this? 1994?!” He laughed and grinned.

The moment grew increasingly uncomfortable, with only one missing element that could escalate the awkwardness to new heights: her date returning from his trip to the little boys‘ room.

“Um, hello…”

Oh, okay. There he was.

Matt appeared right behind her and put his hand around Lisa’s waist in a protective manner examining the new circumstances.

So, there they were, the unavailable musician, the jock with Van Gogh’s ear for music, the grinning clueless Australian and her pathetic and very sober self.

Was she living in a cheesy game of musical chairs without any music?

It sure looked like it because they all kept shuffling uncomfortably, clearly unsure of how to move, what to do and whether to leave or not…

She remembered Dr. Daly telling her to stay away from the musicians and close to any other ‘species’… and for the first time in her life decided to be a good girl and do what she had been told.

Lisa took a little step back to get closer to Matt, her hand finding his, resting on her hip.

“Um, Michael, this is Matt. Matt, this is Michael, my… my ex-husband.” She said almost nonchalantly aside from stumbling on the ex-husband part of the sentence and then watched those two shake hands.

Lisa had spent so much time convincing herself that she was over him, that the past was just that — a closed chapter in her life. Yet, as she stood there, watching him shake hands with the man she had come to the party with, her heart betrayed her.

She could feel it racing and fluttering in a way that made her wonder if it wasn’t just a good ol’ heart attack after all.

“Oh, wow. A big fan.” Matt said honestly but she was glad to see he didn’t seem particularly starstruck.

“What about you, Michael? Are you here with someone?” Oh, count on Brett to add salt to the already very raw and inflamed, pus-oozing, open wound.

Lisa saw Michael hesitate a little and he shifted from one foot to the other looking at his feet for a second before looking up quickly again regaining some control.

“Um, no… not tonight. She…” He said and looked at Lisa again as if he was searching her expression. “She wasn’t feeling too good.”

Silence.

Finally even Brett seemed to have caught on and decided to shut up and the four of them found themselves looking helplessly from one to another until Lisa's heart sank when she heard the band play the first notes of the song Hard to Say I'm Sorry.

Inadvertently, her eyes flew up to Michael’s and she found him glaring back at her, his eyes dark and … tender?

She heard him clear his throat and she felt as if everything suddenly went into slow motion.

She saw Michael’s eyes slowly move from her to Matt and if she could, she would beg him to stop whatever he was about to do.

Only, she couldn’t.

“Hey man, would you be terribly upset if I borrowed Lisa for one dance? We haven’t seen each other for so long and I’d really love to catch up with her, you know.” He said lightly and casually as if he was asking a classmate for a pen or a piece of paper.

And why the hell was nobody asking what she wanted?

She felt Matt’s body tense a little but when she turned to look at him, she saw him shrug, his expression seemingly at ease.

“Um, I guess not… if she’s okay with that.”

Okay, what was she supposed to do now?? Say no and make anyone feel even more weird about the situation? Say yes and jump head first into an emotion she wasn’t sure she was ready to feel…the one she had once forbidden herself to experience ever again?

‘Suck it up, buttercup. That song can’t be longer than three minutes, you can do it. Then come back to your date. Problem solved. Easy peasy.’

“Um, sure.” She finally said and turned to Matt smiling hesitantly. “I…I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Of course.” Matt returned the smile and she stood on her tiptoes to give him a quick peck on his cheek.

Then she turned to Michael and nodded at him to follow her.

They made it to the center of the dance floor when he suddenly grabbed her hand leading her further, probably hoping to hide among the other couples.

A shiver raced through Lisa when she felt her small hand in his after such a long time but she did her best to suppress it.

She knew very well that revisiting the past was a dangerous territory but the warmth and softness of his hand reignited all the high-risk memories anyway.

When they finally made it to the other side of the large room, close to the band and far away from Matt, Michael turned to her and gave her an inconspicuous, little smile.

“Shall we?” He asked, his voice barely audible but what else could he be asking, right?

And so Lisa nodded and he put his right hand on the small of her back while his left reached out for her palm.

 

The moment they touched again, her sensory receptors seemed to have gone into overdrive all at once.

Feeling how his soft and gentle touch on her managed to stir up all the millions of dormant butterflies, making them go crazy inside her, caught her off guard and she had to squeeze her eyes shut for a second to let it pass.

It was official, she was not ready for any of this.

‘Time to bite the bullet, Lisa, and admit that the thought of him attending the fundraiser didn’t even cross your mind.’

Over the years he had turned into a hermit, holed up on his ranch or at his apartment and she got comfortable knowing she rarely had to worry about running into him. She had let her guard down and now it was time to pay the bitter price for her foolish negligence.

She hadn’t seen him for so long, except for the short encounter in the courtroom, yet his touch, though hesitant and restrained, seemed to still have been ingrained in her deep memory.

Michael’s touch wasn’t like any other. It was a touch that carried a magnetic pull that always shook her, yet felt strangely reassuring at the same time.

Lisa looked up at him and saw his gaze fixated on her, right before his hand on her back gently pressed her a little closer to him.

And as if his touch wasn’t enough, when he drew her closer to him, she caught the familiar scent — a blend of his cologne, mint, and cinnamon — making her head spin.

She cleared her throat desperately.

Okay, it wasn’t going too good.

Lisa thought she would play it cool, maybe even crack a joke about the weather or compliment his tie but the moment they started dancing, all her cool flew out the window faster than a toupee in a hurricane.

Just great.

“How have you been, Michael?” She decided to break the silence and distract herself from all the unwanted emotions by a mindless small talk.

That couldn’t hurt, right?

He smiled at her again and his eyes bore into hers. “I’ve been really good, Lisa.” His smile widened. “And I think you had something to do with that.” He added and she felt him squeeze her hand softly.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you put on your shining armor, jumped on your white horse and rode to Santa Maria to save my ass. And I’m forever in your debt, really.”

With that he slowly leaned closer and gave her the softest, most gentle kiss on her cheek lingering there a bit longer than necessary.

Lisa shivered.

What in the world was he doing???

“No need to thank me, really.” She said trying her best to keep her tone controlled, though the situation was making it almost impossible. “Anyone would have done it.”

He gave a low bitter laugh and shook his head. “No, not anyone.”

They both fell silent again.

Lisa focused on the music and slowly swayed in the rhythm letting him lead her like she once had been used to. And there was still something peaceful and soothing in the way his body led hers.

“You look beautiful, Lise.”

He said in a low voice and lifted his head pressing his cheek against her forehead very lightly while they both turned silent again. She had no idea what to say anyway, so she just closed her eyes and they continued dancing, immersed in the strange moment.

 

… she sat on the bed, her legs draped over his as he leaned against the headboard and held her in his arms. Her face was buried in the crook of his neck and even though she was still unbelievably mad at him, the vase with thirty red roses on the table and his tight embrace around her shaky body were slowly making her forget all the torture methods she had previously been ready to apply on him.

After all, he did fly back from Japan for just one day to be with her. To make amends.

Neither of them said a word and neither of them knew if the gesture was going to actually help their marriage, crumbling under all the pressure right in front of their eyes.

She listened to his heartbeat quicken before he started humming and she closed her eyes feeling the comfort of being in his arms again.

What was the song? Hard to Say I’m Sorry?

It must have been. Michael’s signature way of apologizing…

 

She felt his arm tighten around her and he spun them, making a couple of unexpected steps but she had learned to give into him and trust his every move when it came to dancing.

Michael grinned at her and let go of her waist for a second only to twirl her back into his arms, which made her giggle and shake her head at his playfulness. Then she rolled her eyes at him just for good measure.

Well, it was good to see that Michael was still Michael, beat-up and bruised by the trial but still no worse for wear. She was glad to see him bounce back, even if not all the way just yet.

Their bodies moved in harmony, each step deliberate, yet spontaneous at the same time. Lisa suddenly noticed the song was slowly coming to an end and a sense of relief was just one of the thousand emotions raging through her body like a herd of rhinos.

“Lise, I was thinking…” Michael spoke up making her look at him again. “Would you have dinner with me some time?”

She saw his eyes piercing hers, watching her reaction carefully and she swallowed hard before looking down at her feet. She pulled back hesitantly and felt him tighten his arm around her waist as if he feared she was going to run away from him.

Lisa sighed.

“I… I was worried you were trying to get my number because of something like this.” She said and saw his eyes widen when she looked back up.

He didn’t know she knew?? Hmm, looked like the shoe was on the other foot these days.

Interesting.

When he didn’t say anything and just chewed on his lower lip, she put her hand on his cheek and smiled softly.

“I still live in Hidden Hills. You could have dropped by, you know.” She added half-jokingly before turning more serious again. “But I really don’t think having dinner is a good idea, Michael.”

He narrowed his eyes at her, raising his eyebrows involuntarily, obviously unsure of what to make of her answer.

“I… I don’t think it’s a good time for that. I’m seeing someone and you said you were too, right?” Lisa paused giving him time to confirm what he had told Brett earlier. He reluctantly nodded. “And I heard you were planning to leave the country. Not that I believe everything I hear but this kind of sounded like something you would do.”

“I haven’t decided yet.” Michael blurted out, his tone suddenly turning cold and detached just like she remembered it would, every time he got hurt by something.

“Well, I think it might do you some good. Really. This place sucks. We both know how awful this city and the people here can be and quite honestly I’ve been thinking about hightailing it out of here too.”

The song ended, people around them stopped dancing and the band received a loud applause, making any other conversation between Michael and Lisa impossible.

The lead singer thanked everyone and Michael withdrew his arms from her, taking a step back.

Sighing, she backed off as well.

Lisa was trying to read his expression but he looked away lowering his head. His slightly parted lips closed and she saw him set his jaw.

When the applause died down and the band kicked into a new tune, Michael glanced her way, cleared his throat, and gave a nod.

She caught the shift — his expression went from warm to ice-cold in a heartbeat and the sweet, friendly vibe was out the window, as if he had just flipped a switch and shut the door behind him.

After all, Michael was a master at putting up walls faster than she could blink.

“Goodbye, Lisa. I hope you have an amazing life. And… and thank you again. I owe you one.”

He didn’t wait for her reaction and disappeared in the crowd leaving her standing alone on the dance floor and she felt her heart sink.

Taking a minute to regroup, she looked around and ran her hand through her hair.

That wasn’t how she imagined it would go at all. She hadn’t expected a dance or a dinner invitation, nothing of the sort.

Years ago, in order to protect herself, she had deliberately tried erasing Michael from her mind, from her thoughts, and her dreams — hoping he would simply cease to exist in her world.

And it had been tough…really tough… probably one of the hardest things she had ever tried doing but the heartbreak he had caused her was simply too much to bear.

Who would want to put themselves through that ever again?

Then again, being enemies with him had never been her intention, either.

Just like it hadn't been her plan to hurt him, but meeting him at the fundraiser caught her off guard, making everything go to hell in a handbasket in a matter of mere minutes.

She made her way slowly to where Matt was waiting for her and he handed her a glass with wine.

“I thought you might need one.”